¹⁹                            Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,     
                                 who daily bears our burdens.  


                                 Our God is a God who saves;     
                     from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death.

A gift I received today for Foster Mothers Day....

Foster-Mother’s Day

There’s nothing much that I can do to heal your pain or mend your heart

As you and those you dearly love are now to live a life apart.

There are no words that can express my sorrow at your being bereft

Now both your babes have moved away and memories are all that’s left.

But this much I can do for you: I’ll pray with all my heart each day

That you can feel the peace of God, the One who gives and takes away.

I’ll pray you come to understand His purpose in what He has done,

That you’ll seek solace in His word and find great comfort in His Son.

I’ll give God thanks for all you’ve done to share His love with those in need,

And ask that as your children grow He’ll bring to bloom that planted seed

So, though you may not have the chance to raise them as you dreamt you might,

You’ll know there is a day to come when by God’s grace you’ll reunite.

This was from my friend Denise... 

I can't describe the feeling when Isaiah left.

 Katie had already gone to her family, 

& tho I was so happy they had their families

& went so well... with such braveness & courage!!!

(I can still see her face looking at me for assurance 

when she was giving her mum & hug for the first time

& me looking back, smiling, saying it was ok....)

I felt life was over.

I knew it wasn't

but I felt it was.

It was like a death

same pain... 

tho adoption is a new beginning for those we have cared for... 

When all the promises of an ongoing relationship with him were withdrawn, 

for reasons I still don't know

& I returned to Australia

& soon realised my China life had come to an end for awhile

well.... the grief.... 

don't even want to describe it....

& then I remembered....

I will always be their Foster Mum.

Its my title for life.... 

& I was glad!

& so I will be celebrating Mothers Day

& saying a prayer for all the foster parents who love their kids as their own 

until they find their forever families 

& then keep on loving them even if they have no contact.... 

but continue to pray & hope that these kids will grow up healthy in every way....

without ever knowing maybe...

& I will keep on praying that things will change,

& I will see him again...

& I will one day see a happy Isaiah face.... 

a really happy face.... not this half hearted half smile Ive seen so far...

& I will give thanks that Ive seen her full-smiling face

& talked with her 

& seen her laugh 

& show how happy she is!

What I wrote today

Life is like a book, & tho I believe God is the owner of that book...

& He knows all that has been & will be written in that book....

we get to write in it each day...

we CHOOSE what it will say....

Today my page says how I rested, physically & spiritually

walked to the shops for a litre of milk... 

this took an hr & I took the dog with me...

then did an Aqua power class tonight...

so I got some exercise... muchly needed

& on my walk I thought about what I want to write 

& what I don't want to write in my life's book.

I want to write that I kept trying

that I handled failure better & better

(that means with more & more grace)

What I don't want it to say .....

I don't want to write that I gave up

stopped trying & 

was unwilling!

That I was unwilling to forgive

& I was unwilling to ask for forgiveness

unwilling to try again.... 

My girl

yep, you will always be my girl

even tho you are now your mummy & daddy's girl.

It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!

to be able to see you & talk to you the other day!

I LOVED hearing how you didn't swallow your teeth as they came out!

I hope you had a wonderfully happy birthday party!!!!

I hope I get to see some photos of that soon!!!

Im so glad you remember your foster brother!

Im so glad you remember a little bit about TLC!

I hope, that as you look over the pics, you will remember more.

You had a VERY happy life in the first 5 yrs you had in China

with so many people who adored you & still do!

We are here when you want to know more...

but right now, you are concentrating on your new life

& this is a good thing!

Im so glad you are doing so well at school... 

you had me worried at times... 

but you were young 

& your foster brother was so outstandingly bright

you were happy to just be cute & let the learning happen later!

hee hee 

You are a JOYFUL part of my life darling girl!

& I love you!!!

I finally got to open my bible this morning... it is nearly midday & a true "day off" in that I got to have a sleep in... tired from not only a week of VERY emotional/challenging communications in many areas: some fantastic, some challenging, but at the ned of this challenging week, being screamed at twice in one day by 2 different people & dreams of having to find my budgie & Snuggles who weren't being looked after... not a nice dream, ........ not surprising that I have an anxious heart!

Then I just pictured a number in my head... 156... well there is no Ps 156 so I went to 56... & this was my reading...

Psalm 56^[a]

¹ Be merciful to me, my God,
    for my enemies are in hot pursuit; 
    all day long they press their attack. 
² My adversaries pursue me all day long; 
    in their pride many are attacking me.

³ When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. 
⁴     In God, whose word I praise— 
in God I trust and am not afraid. 
    What can mere mortals do to me?

⁵ All day long they twist my words; 
    all their schemes are for my ruin.
⁶ They conspire, they lurk,
    they watch my steps, 
    hoping to take my life. 
⁷ Because of their wickedness do not^[c] let them escape; 
    in your anger, God, bring the nations down.

⁸ Record my misery;
    list my tears on your scroll^[d] —
    are they not in your record? 
⁹ Then my enemies will turn back 
    when I call for help. 
    By this I will know that God is for me.

¹⁰ In God, whose word I praise,
    in the Lord, whose word I praise—
¹¹ in God I trust and am not afraid.
    What can man do to me?

¹² I am under vows to you, my God;
    I will present my thank offerings to you.
¹³ For you have delivered me from death 
    and my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before God
    in the light of life.

Hmmm... so interesting!

I was accused of being a hypocrite .... again... & it sent me to You to ask if that is true. Well, conviction that I haven't been praying earnestly is one answer I got... & it is right... I haven't been praying enough... Ive been doing what I usually do & just wait for You to do something in the mess that we have got ourselves into.... taking baby steps as I saw them to take.... 

But, I have tried to be more "gentle" at home & say all the hellos others want me to say... tho I must admit, I get a bit tired of having to say it EVERYTIME I walk in & out of the house... seems silly to me!

I DID offer a date night but it was cooly received & so I will leave it... I don't know if it was the venue or just that it isn't time yet to have such a time together... 

& Ive been trying to take steps to fix another situation... I did this with with a good heart, to try to help reconciliation happen... not trying to force it but, yep, speaking earnestly of the need & trying to refute the untruths being given to me in response to my suggestions/comments. 

And, yes, I did get mad too... my back was up... & I wanted to say, that "you can huff & puff all you want, but I live in a brick home so it isn't going to succeed".... or "I will not be bullied or shouted into submission or silence just cause you don't like what Im saying." 

Then I realised this wasn't a loving attitude & I went back to feeling sad & sorry for the damage & sadness that causes this reaction/response in this person.

What a mess!

Compassion comes easier when you see the mess. 

Lord, I do EARNESTLY seek Your help to bring healing & reconciliation... & to help me in the times when my hackles rise!

& I ask You to help me, in my distress & tiredness to respond well to mum... cause she can't filter her words/thoughts well enough anymore & she is going to say stuff that is annoying or upsetting... but I need to respond well 100% of the time- (EVEN when Im to the point of overflow) -  to avoid incidences like last night that, which, with everything else, leave me wanting heaven more than is healthy!

A new name to fit the changes

Im no longer in China full time

tho my heart is still there...

but I am still Aunty Sandy thank God!

So I decided a new start was needed.

A new job.

A new home..... kind of

& I am asking Him for a new attitude

to better face the challenges

Go Rev 21:5!

Remember....

this is MY blog!

Read at your own choice.

It WILL speak of Jesus

I love Him

I need Him

They are MY thoughts & feelings...

but Im processing them... 

so they are not the final thoughts & feelings often...

& I would MUCH rather be speaking to people face to face! 

lurking on blogs is only when there is no other opportunity to be face to face

in my opinion

I lurk on one

but I pray with ALL MY HEART 

that I will once again be able to face to face talk with these people

....... with my boy